True Life: We are going to a Fertility Specialist...

Yesterday, the anxiety started to kick in...

The appointment with the fertility specialist was finally upon us (was scheduled in May).

Luckily, I was able to sleep last night.  However, when I woke up this morning, I felt a little uneasy.  I think the hardest part of this whole process (so far) is the "unknown" that lies ahead.

While I am blessed to have a few people to talk to about this, I feel like the topic of fertility is taboo.  It seems like people are afraid to talk about IVF and fertility treatments and what it's like to really struggle with fertility (trying to conceive and/or coping with miscarriage).  This topic SUCKS to talk about; it's heart breaking, upsetting, sad, and difficult... but it's reality for many couples nowadays.

I am the FURTHEST thing from an expert in this field but as a person who just started this process, it really benefits me to have a more open dialogue about this scary and trivial time in my life.  While I know I have Anthony to lean on, he is also new to this process.  Instead of keeping these thoughts inside, I decided to write down my concerns, emotions, fears, and hopes.

Our appointment today was just the tip of the infertility treatment iceberg.  We met with our doctor (who seems fabulous), met with our nurse, and got a run down of the steps that might be taken throughout this process.  Some of the preliminary tests were run already and this will help us see what course of action will be taken next.

At this point, I may have lost some people's interest and if so, I apologize.  I am just a bundle of nerves as we embark on this journey.  My fears are real and will be addressed in time.  My emotions are all over the place.  And my hopes are really high for my future as a mom.

Currently, my greatest fear is learning there is NO hope for Anthony and I to conceive a child.  This would be heart breaking and pretty earth-shattering.  While it would be devastating, it is something I have to come to accept as a possibility at this point.  Along with this major fear, I have hope that everything will work out, one way or another.

This blog post may be a little TMI for some of you but I needed to put this out there.  I also wanted to help others who may be going through the same process as we are right now.  As we proceed, I plan to remain positive and optimistic.  It will be hard at times but I know Anthony and I will be okay.  We are already so grateful for the love and support people have shown us in regards to this struggle.  No one knows what lies ahead but we will fight to make our dreams our reality.

The one thing I ask of people is to be sensitive about this topic.  The next time you want to ask a couple that has been married for a few years, "What are you waiting for? Why don't you have babies yet?" think about the struggles they may secretly be facing.  Getting pregnant is not as black and white as many people think.  It can be a very hard process for many.  Be aware of this and try to remind yourself how you would feel if people constantly questioned why you weren't a parent yet.

IT SUCKS.

 To be continued...